IF YOU ARE OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND WITHOUT A CONTACT NUMBER AND YOUR WIFE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT COUNTRY YOU ARE EVEN IN AND SHE MISSES YOUR CALL,
PLEASE LEAVE HER A MESSAGE!!!!!
The last time that I talked to Brent, he was in Virginia and not even sure of what country he was flying to next. That was Wednesday night. I've been away from him for extended periods of time before (6-8 wks), and knew that I'd be fine. I thought, "I won't get lonely for a while."
It hit me the first night that I was alone and the kids were in bed and I couldn't call him. I didn't know where he was or when I might talk to him again. I felt a sort of hollowness, and it's stayed with me. It's not overwhelming. It doesn't keep me up at night. It just gnaws at me. Throughout the day I have thoughts like, "I wonder where he is," and, "I wonder if they're feeding him and if he's getting any sleep" (he doesn't sleep on airplanes). I also have the "worst case scenario" of, "he could be dead and I wouldn't even know it."
My friend Stacey has experienced a few deployments of her (then) Navy husband. She called me today to see how I'm doing (thank you again Stacey!). She explained that the emotions experienced during a deployment are similar to the grieving process. There's shock (you mean this is what life is going to be like for the next 10 months?), loneliness, depression, anger (at HIM for leaving), and then guilt when you are able to cope and even enjoy life again on your own. At least I'm not pregnant! She had her last two babies while her husband was at sea. Talk about terrifying.
I really shouldn't even be worried. He's not one of the heroic infantry soldiers who actually patrol the towns, clearing out terrorists. They won't even let Brent travel by convoy (if he ever has to leave the base to treat soldiers), because he's the only dentist for his company. These are the things I tell myself in response to worried thoughts. I cannot express how much I admire the wives (and/or husbands, of course) of the infantry soldiers. They are amazing. Those soldiers return to combat zones again and again.
But of course I do worry because that's just what I do. It's pretty much who I am. I know, I'll keep working on it. And I'll feel a million times better when I get to hear his voice again and know where he is.
Control freak? Who me?