Isn't it funny how the older we get, the more aware we are of our weakness and imperfections? I remember Elder Maxwell speaking about this once; how as we grow closer to the Savior, we see our weakness more clearly. I sure don't feel like I'm growing or maturing much (I still feel like I'm 18 most days), but I have to laugh at myself daily for doing things I once said I'd never do, and I feel like I'm moving further away from perfection... perhaps it's because life is so much more complicated than it used to be.
I remember sitting in Sacrament Meeting not long before Mercedes was born and thinking, "I'll never get angry with my young children for being irreverent. They're children and we're supposed to become like them, not yell at them!" This happened as I saw a mother angrily chase her three-year-old to the front of the chapel during a talk. HA!!! I guess I'm not such an idealist these days. I expect my kids to be reverent and to stay in their seats for the entire meeting. I'm pretty strict, and only potty-trainers get bathroom breaks.
Lately I've been getting so frustrated with Mercedes during church. Before Cooper was born she was literally a perfect angel during Sacrament Meetings. She understood that there would be no toys or drawing until after the Sacrament, and didn't argue. She didn't whine or complain or throw fits. Now that Cooper has to be entertained, it doesn't seem fair to her that he gets to play with toys and eat snacks during the Sacrament. Brent and I get frustrated because she used to be such an angel and church has now turned into a whine-fest. Poor girl.
Before becoming a mom I swore that I would NEVER use the TV as a babysitter. I was so disgusted with "those" people who would just plop their kids in front of the TV. There is no way to understand what it is like to be a stay-at-home parent until we live it. Tuesday night I got no sleep thanks to my lovely contractions. Usually I can get at least a few hours of rest, but on Wednesday morning I was exhausted - physically and mentally. At 8 o'clock I turned on the Disney Channel and went upstairs to lie down. I didn't plan on falling asleep... and was shocked to open my eyes at 9:30! Cooper is not a kid who is safe on his own. He has always managed to find ways to hurt himself, no matter how "baby-proofed" a house is. I came downstairs to find him in the living room eating one of the candy canes I'd bought to decorate tree. He ate right through the plastic! Then I found the lid of a mayonnaise bottle Brent had thrown away that morning. I'm pretty sure that Cooper licked it clean. Luckily we haven't had a case of food poisoning. Yesterday his messy diapers were like bright leaf green clay. Sorry if that's too graphic for you, but I have never seen anything like it. My guess is that he ate a green crayon. Thank goodness his morning adventure doesn't seem to have had any lasting effects.
I hope my kids survive the mom that I am. I seriously don't know how my mom did it - she is better than Wonder Woman.